Moving Ahead

It's been a week since we took Miss Priss to the vet & wished her well on her trip to the Rainbow Bridge. I have to admit it's been quieter. I don't know that it's so much a physical quiet as it is knowing there is a little less kitty in the house.

Moodles has been vocal this week. He's always been a talker, mind you, but this week he seems to want to know where I am just a wee bit more than usual. After losing Roxyann, having a kitty cuddlebug has been a great comfort.

I've been reading "All Pets Go to Heaven" by Sylvia Brown (in case you were wondering, yes, she's the psychic Montel Williams always used to have on his show). I needed something that was going to give me comfort with Roxyann moving onto "The Other Side". If you believe in things such as this, read the book. There are great stories about connections people have with their animals and the ways our pets communicate with us when they pass on. It was just what I was looking for!

We've been talking about getting another cat. I never wanted either cat to be an only kitty in the house. I feel with 3 dogs in residence they need their feline companion for 'back up'.

I have specific qualities that we need in a new addition to the family. Some of them are:

• Loves Moodles like no other & projects those vibes to him in such a way that he wants to love & cuddle with him/her
• Is not picky about food (Roxyann was VERY picky!)
• Learns how to get along with the dogs, might even play with them
• Doesn't want to run outside everytime there is an open door (Rox was an escape artist in the making!)
• Might like to sleep with me occasionally, but doesn't feel the need to join the current dog-cat sandwich I sleep in

See... those aren't too much to ask for are they? I have a problem though - is there a 'trial & error' part to getting another cat I might be able to use? How else am I going to know if the fuzzy little kitty that sucks me into loving him/her is going to fit the bill above?

I guess it doesn't matter... Once it  gets to the "love" stage, it's all over for anyone in the vicinity of the fuzziness!

You Never Know When...

When buying a house of one's very own, all of us have different lists of things that are 'important' to us. Whether its vinyl siding, paved drive, 4 bedrooms, dual heat pumps, gas range, walk-in attic -- the wants are vast & varied.

The first house I bought, when I was single & living on my own with my sister, had vinyl siding, a paved drive, multiple baths & room for the 2 of us (or 1.5 since she came & went a lot). But what I really wanted in my new house were... cats. I had a cat growing up & thought they are the coolest animals. I'd stand up and argue with anyone who didn't think they had as much or more personality as dogs.

On Labor Day, 2001, I set out with my group to find the two most perfect cats to take up residence in my house. I only had one 'type' of cat in mind - an orange tabby; the other cat color didn't matter as long as I ended up with a male & female. I had names picked out.

We left a little pet store in Southside with Roxy (Roxyann) & Riley (Riley being the orange tabby; Roxy was a little multi-colored kitten very attached to Riley. I picked them because they were sleeping together, wrapped in each others' paws). Armed with all the goods that two little kittens could need, we went back to my house to introduce them to their new home. The kittens & I were a happy little family. They were full of love and mischief and fun; making me laugh & keeping me on my toes.

In the process of getting the usual kitten shots, it was discovered that Riley had FIP - an incurable disease that, in his case, affected his neurological system. He crossed the rainbow bridge the day after Christmas 2001.

Roxy suddenly became an only child and loved the attention. She learned to fetch better than some dogs I know and was full of life enough for that little house. I taught her to walk around outside on a harness and leash & she love all things green, so the outside was perfecft for her!

But she didn't stay the only child forever... we welcomed her new little brother, Schmoo (Moodles) in July of 2002. I wouldn't say they 'hit it off', but they played together & tolerated each other. Roxy definitely let him know SHE was the boss & he was ok with that - probably because he's a mama's boy.

We morphed into a new family unit dealing with the changes most lives have - jobs, significant others, moves, dogs. Oh yeah, when I moved in with, & soon after married, my boyfriend, the cats & I went to live in his house with his two DOGS - those smelly, noisy, sloppy critters - Jake (Jakester) and Sydney (SydSyd). What a transition that was! I recall having to go INTO the reclining sofa to get Schmoo out. He was hiding in such a way it almost required assistance from the fire department!

Eventually there came to be a little peace in the valley (though some days that's still under debate). The cats have their space. The dogs have theirs. And look out if ever the two shall meet!

I have mentioned previously in my blog the story of Miss Roxy & her diagnosis of cancer. I've talked about the decisions that have been weighing heavy on my mind. In the end, we decided not to put her through treatment. I couldn't do it to either her or me knowing the cancer would eventually come back & we'd find ourselves right back in the same position we are in.

My little girl has been at home with us, going about her daily routine, though it's a bit slower & involves more sleep now. She's lost weight & the cancer has pushed her left eye from its socket in a manner than might make some people turn away. Through it all, she's been a sweet, loving, tolerant, beautiful little kitty. She's amazed our vet, my family & me. Knowing she doesn't have a lot of time left, I have taken extra pictures, given more pets and talked to her every chance I've had.

This week her eye has become really bad. Though she doesn't seem to notice it, I know it must be painful and unnatural & when I think about myself having to deal with something like that, it's unfathomable how she's still so much herself.

But Cop'er & I decided this week we needed to make the best decision for her. She's starting to look more like skin & bones in addition to the change in her eye. And though the surgeon optimistically told us we might have 2-4 months with her, we don't.

Last night, I slept in the room she has been occupying. I loved on her, talked to her & told her how much she means to me.

Today, Cop'er & I took her to cross the Rainbow Bridge... on her way to be with her brother, Riley. We stayed with her until the end, whispering how much we loved her, what a brave, beautiful kitty she has been & when we will see her again. It could easily be one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. I didn't know that 9 years ago a little furball would steal my heart the way she did.

I love you, baby girl. RIP.

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.
~ Washington Irving

To read more about the Rainbow Bridge...

Heavy Decisions

For a few weeks I have had the news of my kitty, Roxyann, weighing on my mind. She went to the vet, then to the surgeon and then I had a consultation with an oncologist.

None of the answers they gave were ones I longed to hear.
No treatment out there is going to save my Miss Priss.
No information made the decision FOR me.

Rox has the option of doing radiation & chemo with few side effects - far fewer than us humans have with that type of treatment. But it's not a cure... and eventually the cancer will come back. No one knew how long she would be cancer free and barring a miracle, their 'long-term' was only 18-24 months.

Cop'er let me make the decision about what to do. He asked all the same questions I did - how would she tolerate the treatment? Would she go blind in both eyes? How much will is cost? Will she have to stay there?

I got all the answers to our questions. I talked it over with Cop'er. I made a decision. Roxyann would have the treatment. She has an appointment for Wednesday.

Today I started to wonder if I was really doing the right thing. How do I even know what the 'right thing' is? I love that little kitty - the other half of the pair I adopted 9 years ago. She's been my baby, my friend, my comedian, my confidant, my sidekick, my pest, my joy, my companion... my sweet little girl.

All I can strive to do is what's best for her. And right now, I don't know what that is.

The ROXY FILES

I can't believe it's been a week since I last posted something! Where does time go? I think it was all a blur after Monday, when I got the news from the veterinary surgeon about Roxyann. He told us that it was cancer; it was very invasive & was down into her eye, her cranium & pushing her brain slightly.

Talk about devastating news! I was crushed. I held it together long enough to talk to the surgeon on what he thought could, should, would be done at this stage. After our conversation, I let Cop'er know the results & all we could do was keep her happy.

I came home & loved on my lil girl... Roxyann has been with me a long time. I adopted her & her 'brother', Riley, from the SPCA a few months after I purchased my first house. Riley was diagnosed with FIP when he was still a kitten (for those of you who don't know, FIP is an incurable, spreadable disease that strikes the nervous system). I had to put Riley to sleep the day after Christmas, just a mere 3.5 months after I adopted him.

Roxyann became an 'only child' for the next 6 months. She learned how to fetch like a champ, loved the attention of all who walked in the door and ruled the house with her playful ways. The chance to be an only child was short-lived, as it was never my intention to only have one cat. I wanted 2 so they could play together & keep each other company.

Welcome, Moodles. It was me, Moodles & Roxyann for several years after that... living in our house and keeping each other entertained.

I've had both Roxyann & Moodles longer than I've known Cop'er... there's something to be said for all that we have been through together. They have definitely helped keep me sane, listening & loving just when I've needed it.

I received another call on Friday from the 1st vet we talked to (who referred us to the surgeon) about Roxyann. She called Miss Priss a "miracle kitty"... She also suggested that we make an appointment to see an oncologist in Northern VA about Roxyann. In conversation with her about the ROXY FILES, it was mentioned that radiation therapy might be an alternative. (We originally asked the surgeon about this, but he said it would likely blind her-not an effect we were willing to do to her). While I don't know that the oncologist is going to have a 'cure' for our kitty, Cop'er & I agreed that a conversation about it couldn't hurt. I'll be calling in the morning to see when they can fit us in.

Did I mention that Roxyann will have to travel in the car for 2 hrs there & 2 hours back??? I might be the in the crate after that!

A Hard Few Days...

As you know, I have 2 cats & 3 dogs residing in this house with myself & Cop'er. The cats were my babies before I ever met Cop'er. We had a nice, cozy little family unit and we had lots of fun together.

I blogged recently about Roxyann's latest trip to the vet for an issue *ahem* back there. She also had a bump on her head that we didn't notice before. They sent us home with 2 weeks of antibiotics to give her, with instructions to come back if, at the end of the 2 weeks, she wasn't better.

The spot on her head didn't get better. It actually got worse. I scheduled an appointment with the vet yesterday. I went in, hoping it could be lanced, drained, etc, but that was not to be. I was hit with the news that Roxyann had an aggressively growing tumor & would need to go to a specialist.

Obviously the words "aggressively" & "tumor" together are not things you want to hear. I took the vet's recommendation & scheduled the specialist's appointment for today. Sister Fantanimal went with me to the first appt & urged me to think positive thoughts. I tried, but I think something inside of me knew...

Cop'er went to the specialist appt with me today. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it alone & was very glad he was there. I, like many other people, have a weakness for my animals & tears are not something I am afraid to shed in public.

The specialist came into the room & expressed his very serious concern about Roxyann's tumor, its location, its growth rate & the ability to make a positive impact on  her recovery. There was conversation about what tests needed to be considered, what the options *might* be, what out thoughts about future needs were.

It was hard. It's still hard. I know it's not like losing a child or a parent, but those of us who have been through it know there is nothing easy about the decisions you have to make. I've shed many a tear thinking about how to handle her future & mine without her.

We managed to get Roxyann an appt for a CT scan today & picked her up this afternoon. She's sporting a green bandage from the IV she had & is trying, as I would expect, to shake the thing off. She's still spunking & spry & doesn't seem to be affected.

Tomorrow we'll find out how long that will last... In the meantime, I'm praying for her comfort & my strength to do what's right by her.

We have... seedlings!

Seedlings, that's the stage that comes between seeds & full-fledged plants, right? How would I know the correct terminology? We've already discussed my lack of green thumbed-ness.

Two weekends ago I moved/transplanted/toppled pots in an effort to separate the seedlings as instructed. I'm not sure this was done with any level of success, but all the plants are still green & nothing is shriveled!

We call that ---- major achievement!

They've moved from their previous residence in the garage to a nice, luxury location on the front porch. It seemed to me they were crying out for more sunlight (all the little plants were leaning toward the window, that is a sign, isn't it?). Now they have more by way of reflected, semi-direct & shade throughout the day.

I could have put them on the back deck, but by the time summer gets here it's going to be more like a furnace out there than a hospitable environment for delicate (b/c I am growing them) little plants.

I'm not too sure all of the seeds are going to turn into something... you know, edible... but it's looking like 85% of the seeds will turn into something other than just seeds. I'm sure that counts are 'growing a garden'.

I'll take what I can get.

Someone is already asking for my 'overflow' of plants. I'm hoping this is not a jinx. Talking about the future in such ways is sure to make it go astray! Perhaps I should declare the topic off limits... Of course, saying things are off limits is like trying to get Roxyann to stop torturing the one plant we actually do have in the house.

In another development, I came home from work the other day and found, oddly, one of the smaller pots 'tipped' over on an angle. I thought to myself - was it really windy today?

Self said: No, it wasn't.

I take a step closer & see that not only was that pot askew, but there were 'dig' marks in other pots! WHAT THE???? Just what has been DIGGING in my pots? My poor little seedlings! They were molested by an unknown assailant! That's just wrong!

The discovery had me concerned. Obviously I couldn't have all my hard work eaten up by a freeloader stopping in for a snack! I wanted to see these things reach maturity! I asked Cop'er to come up with a solution.

Still waiting.

I might have to be creative for this problem. Perhaps I need to put a 'scaredog' out there...

Pets are like kids, Part II

Monday morning I was on my out of the house to go to work. I was on time (yes, please note that in your calendars) for a change. I fed the cats & noticed something 'off' with Roxyann.

By 'off', I mean, she was oozing a little...

[I must warn you this might be a little more information that you want to think about right now]

...she was oozing a little pus & blood from her anal region. [Ewwwwww!]

Ok, now even I, novice to all things animal & child-related, knew this was NOT right. This was NOT normal... & most certainly NOT something I was hoping to see on a Monday morning.

Immediately [grossed out] worried about the poor little furrball, I ask Cop'er if he would be able to take her to the vet if I made an appointment for the afternoon.

He hesitated.

He eventually agreed to it... then tells me he wants to take Lil Guy too!

Huh? Lil Guy too??? [Lil Guy was due for his rabies & assorted other shots.]

Fine. Whatever. Double duty. I call the vet's office. The receptionist doesn't seem at all alarmed about the whole issue [see above if you need reminding]. Guess it's not life-threatening.

So Cop'er takes them to the vet. [Side note: I called him when he was on the way & all i could hear was Lil Guy whining & Roxyann meowing her head off]. Cop'er calls a little while later with a question from the vet - did Roxy always have this bump on her head?

I have to mention that Roxyann was also there to get her eye checked. It has been pinkish & irritated for about a week.

Me: No... I didn't notice any bump on her head.
Vet: You didn't see this big bump on her head?
Me: No
Vet: Has she always had it?
Me: I guess if i don't remember seeing it.
Vet: How long have you had her?
Me: Since she was a kitten (as in 9 years now)
Vet: ok

When Cop'er finally called back with the outcome of the exam, I found out what a mess Miss Priss really was. The 'issue' [again, see above for explanation] was a ruptured anal gland. The bump on the head - anybody's guess. It's a cyst, or something of the like, filled with fluid.

I took note of her head when she got home & saw that she did have a big bump on her head... a bump I didn't see earlier in the morning. It was disguised with fur stripes! From the side, it looked like something might be growing from her 'forehead'. Ewwwww!

Does it make me a bad mommy b/c I didn't notice? I thought it might, but then I realized that Cop'er had been with her at the vet's & didn't notice. Granted, when they asked him about the bump, she wasn't in the room at the time so he had no visual reference, but even still, he hadn't noticed it before. I guess that means I'm off the hook too!

What it boiled down to was 1 round of antibiotics for the cyst & 'issue', a 2nd round of antibiotics after that just b/c there is so much infection-y stuff going on with her... & to top it all off - eye drops (though they think the eye thing like be from the cyst on her head).

Sure, sounds pretty easy in the scheme of things, but have you met Roxyann????

Why Pets are Like Children

Obviously, I don't have kids - unless you count the 5 pets we have. If you are a follower of my blog, you will have already been introduced to our 2 cats (RoxyAnn & Moodles) and our 3 dogs (SydSyd, Jakester and O).

More often than not, Cop'er & I find ourselves as referee, loving parent, disciplinarian and good cop/bad cop (neither comes more naturally than the other for Cop'er, by the way). There's always a fight to break up, teasing to end, loving to administer, baths to give, meals to make, punishment to dole out, messes to clean up, toys to put back, sitters to be lined up. Like I said, pets are like kids.

A few of our "kids" have very distinct personality traits... O likes to sleep in the bed with us at night. He whines at Cop'er's feet until he's carried into the bed to sleep with his Mommy. I can't complain - he's very well behaved when it's sleepy-time. He also like to use the bed for other purposes... burying bones.

Lil Guy as a pup - what a cutie!

Every so often, Cop'er gives the kids a dog bone triat (Alpo, the large variety) to keep 'em busy (aka quiet). Well, O isn't very interested in actually eating the bone. He just carries it around in his mouth, whining to Cop'er for a lift to get in the bed. Once in the bed, he's bound for the blankets. He drops the bone in the midst of the pile and digs, digs, digs until the bone is "buried." There's no telling how many little treasures we might have sleeping with us.

Another very distinct personality is Moodles. He's the baby cat in our family. And by 'baby' I mean the youngest cat, 8 years old. He also sleeps in the bed with us - on the other side of me. He likes to stretch his paws out until he's touching my face. i don't think he knows he still has claws & they kinda hurt sometimes. The little quirk he has is climbing on my nightstand, knocking the lampshade over & over making it tap, tap, tap on the wall beside the bed. Talk about annoying things to hear at 3am!

The kid with the over-the-top trait would have to be RoxyAnn. She's full-fledged animal dominator of the house. She doesn't like the dogs, but puts up with O. She scraps with SydSyd & bops Jakester on the head. She takes nothin' from no one. I think that might even include me & Cop'er! Early in the morning, RIGHT BEFORE we are ready to get up - you know those precious moments of quiet you savor before the day starts - she is on the dresser. You'd think she would just chill, enjoy the quiet herself, but she doesn't. She cleverly paws all the bottles, boxes, trinkets, etc on top of the dresser until they fall over (bang!) or fall to the floor (crash). She does it over & over until I get out of bed, trick her into coming closer to me & throw her out the room. That is not the right way to wake up in the morning - especially on a Monday... or the weekend!

Of course, they all have their good & bad days. Sometimes they are great kids - full of sweetness & love. Sometimes they are the devil's spawn & there is nothing you can do but call it a night. At this point in my life - childless - I still feel like I get a little 'taste' of what it's like. And sometimes, I'm ok with having kids that let me sleep in late on the weekend!