Friday, March 20, 2015

It's been a year of change

I have been gone from posting for over a year. I can actually pinpoint when the 'change' happened... it didn't involve hot flashes or thinning hair or insomnia. It wasn't THAT change.

The changes we went through looked more like:

  • less sleep, and absolutely no sleeping in late
  • lots of internet research on "normal" things for babies
  • little boys clothes and toys strewn around the house
  • no 'me' time
  • frequent visits to the pediatrician's office
  • visits from friends and family and many inquiries as to how we were doing
  • intro into the world of daycare
What we had... a case of two 5-week old foster boys given to us in February 2014. We quickly picked fitting nicknames for them - Squeaks (for the one who made many, many little noises all the time) & Squirms (for the one who couldn't stay still for anything). 

Cop'er and I have been licensed foster parents (for fostering and adoption) since May of 2011. We had only received two other calls prior to that for placement and neither was the right fit for us at the time. When we got the call about S&S, it was a quick "yes" from Cop'er and a little more hesitant "ok" from me. 

Two babies? We hadn't even raised one!

The boys are 15 months old (in a week) now and I do find it hard to remember when they weren't with us. Don't get my wrong - I still long for sleeping in and more 'me' time, but this opportunity has been something Cop'er and I didn't know if we would ever have - being parents.

Now, I will say that being foster parents adds another layer of complexity to the situation because there are many more people involved in the decisions and raising of the two boys. They are not "our" boys in the eyes of the state, but we love them and care for them as if they were. Our case worker reminded us once that it means we are doing everything right. The boys are supposed to be enfolded into our families in order for them to feel the security and stability they need to grow up as healthy individuals.

As we go through the progression of this case through the foster care system, I like to look back on the first year with S&S. It has been HARD work raising two boys (especially never having kids) and working full time - there is no getting around that. It's been challenging, at times, on my marriage, my job, my sanity, and more. It has made me change in ways I didn't want to and didn't expect to. But I think about all we have been through with the them and know no matter what happens in the future, the boys have been so loved by Cop'er & me & our families. And in a world that's as screwed up as ours, that counts for so much more than I can put into words.