It's been a year of change

I have been gone from posting for over a year. I can actually pinpoint when the 'change' happened... it didn't involve hot flashes or thinning hair or insomnia. It wasn't THAT change.

The changes we went through looked more like:

• less sleep, and absolutely no sleeping in late
• lots of internet research on "normal" things for babies
• little boys clothes and toys strewn around the house
• no 'me' time
• frequent visits to the pediatrician's office
• visits from friends and family and many inquiries as to how we were doing
• intro into the world of daycare

What we had... a case of two 5-week old foster boys given to us in February 2014. We quickly picked fitting nicknames for them - Squeaks (for the one who made many, many little noises all the time) & Squirms (for the one who couldn't stay still for anything). 

Cop'er and I have been licensed foster parents (for fostering and adoption) since May of 2011. We had only received two other calls prior to that for placement and neither was the right fit for us at the time. When we got the call about S&S, it was a quick "yes" from Cop'er and a little more hesitant "ok" from me. 

Two babies? We hadn't even raised one!

The boys are 15 months old (in a week) now and I do find it hard to remember when they weren't with us. Don't get my wrong - I still long for sleeping in and more 'me' time, but this opportunity has been something Cop'er and I didn't know if we would ever have - being parents.

Now, I will say that being foster parents adds another layer of complexity to the situation because there are many more people involved in the decisions and raising of the two boys. They are not "our" boys in the eyes of the state, but we love them and care for them as if they were. Our case worker reminded us once that it means we are doing everything right. The boys are supposed to be enfolded into our families in order for them to feel the security and stability they need to grow up as healthy individuals.

As we go through the progression of this case through the foster care system, I like to look back on the first year with S&S. It has been HARD work raising two boys (especially never having kids) and working full time - there is no getting around that. It's been challenging, at times, on my marriage, my job, my sanity, and more. It has made me change in ways I didn't want to and didn't expect to. But I think about all we have been through with the them and know no matter what happens in the future, the boys have been so loved by Cop'er & me & our families. And in a world that's as screwed up as ours, that counts for so much more than I can put into words.

Just a Little Cuteness & Togetherness

5K... it's not about the money

My cousin, Angel (we'll call her "FlyRunner"), has done the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure in Charlotte for as long as I can remember. I have always been in awe of that probably b/c I am the farthest thing from a runner there can be. I think I might even RUN FROM RUNNING.

She signs up & straps on that race number every year and finishes at a time about 12 years ahead of what I might do. Not only does she run the race, she also raises money for it too! Talk about great multi-tasking!

Recently, after a bit of research on her part, FlyRunner discovered The Breast Cancer Research Foundation has a larger portion of its donations going to ACTUAL research. She has since suggested that all those generous donors out there send their funds to an organization that uses those donations in a way she felt would better serve the future for curing breast cancer... and she still runs the Komen race.

The race in Charlotte is usually in October. Last year, FlyRunner wasn't able to do the race for scheduling challenges, so she's making up for it by doing two races this year - the Richmond & the Charlotte races.

The Race for the Cure in Richmond is one Saturday in May. Since just about all of FlyRunner's family lives in the area (or close enough to drive), it's a great opportunity for everyone to take part in it. When I was approached with the idea to walk (yes, we are WALKING this race. FlyRunner will run the Charlotte race later in the year), I didn't hesitate. I have wanted to do something like this for a long time & this was perfect!

So started "Jean's team"... Named in memory of my aunt, FlyRunner's mother, the women (ok, mi padre too and assorted kids of male variety) in my family will be getting together to walk in her honor. I have to admit, I am really looking forward to it! I want to finish the walk/race with new inspiration within me; having been through an experience that not everyone has done; and completed for reasons that are imporantant to me and my family.

I have a while to prepare for it... Looks like it's about time to lace up those shoes & get outside!

Remembering AJ

Today, September 11th, is my Aunt Jean's birthday. This birthday is different from the rest, but still worth celebrating. Aunt Jean (or AJ as I had recently started calling her) passed away in August after a long, courageous battle with breast cancer.

She was a wonderful aunt to me & my sisters. I have lots of great memories of times spent with her - camping in the mountains, swim meets in Richmond where my cousins were competing, holidays, birthdays, weddings, births, summers, amusement parks trips. The list goes on, my memories extensive.

I'm not sure there was woman who loved her family more deeply. And it struck me in the end how much she wanted to hold on to the life that was simply, her family. There's no denying the sadness in her passing, the feeling of loss that we all feel without her here physically. That's why I know the ceremony she planned out for her passing was really for everyone else. I believe that everyone thinks WE (her family) did it for her, to remember her and celebrate her life, the things and people she loved. But it was really something she did for us. From the upbeat music selected by my uncle, to the reading from my cousins, to the remembrances from family & friends, her hand was guiding it all... AJ gave that to us so we'd all know how cherished we were in her life.

As hard as it is to wrap my thoughts around the idea of AJ not being here... i know she's still with us. Much more than in our hearts, she's in our every day. She's watching over the family whatever they are doing; she's comforting those she loves as they grieve for her; she's laughing with her grandchildren as they play and she's celebrating her birthday as we all remember the wonderful life she led.

Today, I plan to send my birthday wishes to AJ. I know she has everything she needs where she is right now, but I think she'd appreciate the "old age" joke I have for her too...